


Lost - Lucifer Morningstar

by swritings



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Near Death, Romance, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-07 01:09:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18862672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swritings/pseuds/swritings
Summary: Lucifer worries the people closest to him when he shows up looking like a mess. Only Amenadiel knows why and shocks everyone with the answer.





	1. Chapter 1

Linda thought she knew what was going on in Lucifer's mind. Hours upon hours of therapy sessions had been spent trying to figure out his life and she felt like she was making progress.

She should have known however that nothing was as simple as that with the literal Devil. He was a piece of work to deal with, and the fact that he almost always completely missed the point of her advice frustrated her to no end. Still, she was more than a therapist to him but also his friend.

That's why she was more than worried when he began showing up to her sessions completely void of emotions. It was as if his body had shut down. She wasn't sure why or what it was trying to protect him from - all she knew was that she needed to get to the bottom of this.

That's why she decided to call Amenadiel despite her reluctance. She hadn't seen the angel in a long time but this was more important than her own discomfort.

"Thank you for coming, Amenadiel," she opened the door to her office and led him inside.

"Of course, Linda. What is the problem?"

"It's Lucifer..." she paused, "I'm not sure what's wrong but-"

"He's been acting strange," Amenadiel finished with a sigh as he took a seat on her couch.

"Yes! How did you know?"

"There are a lot of things you still don't know about Lucifer," Amenadiel said. "Including his wife."

Linda frowned, "Wife? I didn't know the Devil had a wife. It was never mentioned in the Bible."

"It's not something that was written in books that you have heard of. Lucifer married Y/N when things were still new - the Garden hadn't even been created yet. Things were great..." he breathed out, a sorrowful smile on his face, "and then they weren't."

"What happened? Where is she?"

"She's dead."

Linda's eyes widened with the revelation. Hesitantly, she spoke, "Is that why he left Heaven?"

"He never directly told me but suppose it was part of his reason. He always blamed Dad for her disappearance. He was going to spend the rest of his life with her. I still don't think he really believes that she is dead." Amenadiel shook his head as he stood up. "Give him some time. He'll shake this off. He always does but things are rough around the anniversary of her death."

With that he left the office, leaving Linda behind with the answer to her initial question but also with more new questions unanswered.

Chloe's head was spinning with the information Linda had given her. Lucifer had a wife? What was she supposed to do with that? And why had he never told her?

She thought they had shared everything, especially after she had started to come to terms with his face. But apparently, there were still more secrets to be uncovered.

***

Linda had told her how bad it had been, and she could definitely confirm after he had come to work one day, hair completely messy, dark bags under his eyes and clothing rumpled. She had been just as worried as Linda and had sent him home for an unlimited time until he became better.

She was even more concerned when he actually listened to her and didn't try sneaking in the next day.

But a wife? That was not was she was expecting and her heart didn't quite know how to process it. She thought there was something between them but perhaps she had been reading it wrong. He certainly hadn't been this wrecked when she disappeared for months.

"So, you needed my help?" The voice shook her out of thoughts and she was left gaping when she saw who it belonged to.

"Lucifer..." she breathed.

"Yes, that is my name. You're quick today, Detective," Lucifer shot back, crossing his arms.

Chloe's eyes roamed his figure. He was still not looking his best, but there was a certain upgrade from last time. This time his clothes actually fit him.

"How... How are you?" she stood up from her desk looking at him worriedly.

"I'm fine," he answered, annoyance shining in his eyes. "I-" He was about to snap at her but the faint voice in his ear made him reconsider.

_"Luce, be nice to her. She's worried about you."_

Lucifer's eyes softened as your voice spoke to him. If he closed his eyes it was almost as if you were really there with him. That is why this day was the most hurtful but also the best day of every year. For a day he could pretend that you were still here, that you had been by his side ever since the dawn of time. But he could also never forget the truth and that was the reason for his breakdowns days before. This day was also a cruel reminder of what was ripped away from him.

"I know," he whispered softly under his breath, before returning his attention to Chloe. "I heard you needed my help."

Chloe stared at him bewildered.

"Detective?" he raised his eyebrows, feeling his initial annoyance creep back in.

"Uh-" she gulped, "Yeah. "

Chloe delved into the new case, relaying all the information while still watching Lucifer carefully. She wasn't quite sure what to think yet, or how to let Lucifer know that she knew about Y/N.

It was only when they were at his place, making sure that things were ready for the undercover job that was happening at Lux that she let it slip, her curiosity getting the best of her.

"So... who's Y/N?"

Lucifer who had been tying his tie calmly, spun around quickly, narrowed eyes meeting hers. "Don't you  **dare**  speak that name." His eyes flickered red and his voice took an unnaturally deep tone.

Chloe took a frightened step backwards. "S-sorry."

 _"Luci._ " The frown disappeared as quickly as it arrived, and his eyes flickered back to their usual brown.  _"She's only curious."_

"I can't-" he shook his head, turning around. He blinked harshly, trying to avoid the tears that were filling his eyes from falling.

_"Of course, you can, love. I'm not gone - I'll be with you again. I love you."_

He clenched his fists as you spoke the three words he had longed to hear all year. You had to be speaking the truth. There was no way you were actually gone, he was certain that he would be able to feel it - even if his heart was already in crumbles. There had been no body left behind for him to mourn and when you - or your voice - showed up he had to believe you were out there somewhere.

He had searched for you everywhere. He had been through every corner of hell, even the ones that the most powerful demons stayed clear off. He was determined to find you but with thousands of years passing without any sign of you, he wasn't sure what to do. All he had now was this one day.

" _Please_  don't say her name," he turned around to face Chloe again.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know," Chloe apologized, eyes still wide with fear. No matter how much she tried to convince herself that she was fine with him being the Devil, her own body betrayed her.

"It's fine. Now, let's get this show started," he brushed it off, stepping into the elevator.

***

Lux was in absolute chaos.

People were scattered around the place, shaking with fear as they watched the suspect wave a gun around lazily.

And with the blood spilling from the wound in Lucifer's stomach, they were right to be scared.

Lucifer had never quite imagined his death, but this was certainly not the way he had hoped for. The Devil dead by a gunshot wound. It didn't quite have the powerful finale he wanted.

Curse Chloe and her effect on him. He was an immortal for crying out loud. He wasn't supposed to be bleeding out on his own floors from a single bullet.

He had things to do but  _Dad_ , of course, had to interfere. He supposed one good thing would come out of this - he would finally get to see you again. The thought brought a faint smile to his lips. All he needed to do was close his ey-

"Luce," a voice said softly next to him and the smile grew.

"Y/N," he whispered. Your voice already sounded closer than it had ever been before. If only he had known that this was the way to be with you, he would have figured out a way ages ago.

"Open your eyes, Luce. Please?" He blinked slowly before his eyes widened almost comically.

"Y/N?" Lucifer stared at you in disbelief. It had been so long since he had last since your face. You were just as beautiful as he remembered.

He kept his eyes glued to you, fearing that if he closed them that you would disappear. He had finally found you again.

Or he had? Was it simply the blood loss that made him hallucinate you being here?

Either way, he supposed this was a good way to go out. Reunited with the love of his life.

He lifted his arm to hold your face, to see if you were really here, but the flicker of pain on his face reminded you of his injury. "Oh, my dear Luci."

His heart nearly stopped beating when you carefully lifted his head onto your lap, stroking his cheek gently.

This had to be real.

His eyes flickered close at the feeling, leaning into your touch before he tore them open again with a painful breath.

"I have to keep pressure on the wound or you'll bleed out," you frowned at him sadly.

He only nodded his head, resting against you again. "How- how are you here? I thought were dead."

"Shh," you said, "Save your strength. We'll talk later."

Blinded by your presence and the pain coursing through his veins, he agreed to your answer. He didn't even notice as Chloe managed to secure the perimeters and get the suspect in cuffs.

All he could think of was you.

His hand was holding yours tightly, fearing that if he let go you would disappear again. He couldn't bear to lose you again. He had tried to fill the void that you had left behind with other women, but not even  _Chloe_  had come close to you.

You were the one. There was no replacement for you.

"I love you," he rasped when he felt his strength giving up. His eyes fluttered shut but he willed himself to stay awake at least until you said it back.

"I love you, too," you pressed a sweet kiss to his knuckles. "I will always love you." He eyes closed softly after feeling your lips pressed against his.

***

Lucifer awoke with a start in his own bed. His fingers lightly touched his stomach, finding the wound already healed. Head spinning, he attempted to sort through the night when it suddenly hit him.

Y/N. You were there.

He scrambled out of bed. He rushed through his entire apartment, not even noticing the other people staring at him confused, heart sinking with each step.

"Lucifer," Chloe said warily, uncertain of what to think of his behaviour and starting to get frightened by the frantic look in his eyes.

Lucifer ignored her, eyes locked on the other person in the room. "Where is she?" he growled stalking up to Amenadiel.

"Who?" Amenadiel crossed his arms, eyebrows raising.

"Don't play games with me. He must have told you something," Lucifer's eyes turned red as his emotions took over.

"What are you talking about Lucifer? Let's just sit down-"

"NO!" He grabbed a bottle and threw it into the wall, making Chloe flinch. "Where. Is. Y/N!"

Maze who had been watching the entire thing silently, couldn't help but pitch in. "Y/N?" She hadn't heard that name spoken in a long time. "Lucifer..." she said softly - well, as softly as she could - "Y/N is dead."

"No, I- I saw her. She was here," he nodded crazily like he was trying to convince himself more than them. "I saw her." He had never seen you before, not in a thousand years. It had to mean something. Not that the other's would know, he hadn't told anyone about your visits.

"Luci-" Amenadiel said.

" **SHE WAS!** " he snarled before his voice turned quiet, tears filling his eyes. "Wasn't she?"

His knees failed him at the look in Maze's eyes. Had he really hallucinated the entire thing? Could he have? Your touch had felt so real - he could even still feel your lips against his.

It couldn't have been a hallucination.

A hand on his shoulder shook him out of his reverie. "Lucifer..."

As if disgusted by her, he shook Chloe's hand off. He didn't want her to ruin his memory of your touch.

"Go home, Detective," he said firmly as he turned around. "I won't be coming in for work."

"What? F-for how long?" Chloe's voice shook, as she tried to keep her tears at bay. She wasn't sure why she was feeling so hurt by this - she was the one who had turned him away not long ago but to feel the sting of his rejection hurt even more than she imagined.

"Go home." Lucifer didn't turn around to see the hurt on Chloe's face nor did he really care.

You were his priority. You had to be out there. He cursed himself for stopping his search in the first place, but that was guilt he could deal with another day. Right now, he needed to believe that you were alive.

He wasn't going to waste another second. He would find you.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer thought he had found you, but had he?

 Lucifer, despite, his hardest effort could feel himself starting to give up again.

Months had passed without any sign that you had actually been there that night, and he was slowly beginning to believe the other's when they told him that it was a hallucination.

But somewhere deep in his heart, he knew you were out there. If he gave up, it would mean that he was giving you up - something he would  _never_  do. If he after thousands of years had passed still loved you just as deeply as he did before your disappearance, then a little more setback wasn't going to stop him.

He had even, despite his reluctance, prayed to his Dad, on the off chance that it would actually bear fruit. Not that he believed it would happen. He was still certain that he had a hand in your disappearance, but he was willing to do it for you.

Another thing, he had begun doing as his search continued without any new information was to talk to you every night. If there was any chance that you could hear what he said, then he was going to reassure you that he loved you and he would find you. No matter how long it took.

Nursing a drink on his couch, he sat in near darkness watching as raindrops smashed into his windows. So deep in his thoughts that he didn't even notice the phone buzzing beside him, Chloe´s name lighting up some of the living room.

Not that he would have answered even if he did. He was starting to find her pestering irritating - he had a more pressing matter to attend to than solve some benign murders. He could understand she was worried and wanted to help but this was above her. If she couldn't deal with the fact that he was the Devil, then how was she supposed to help him with this?

No, it was better if she was left out of this.

He also wanted to spare her from the hurt. It had taken him months to realise the extent of her feelings, news that would have made him ecstatic before but now only brought feelings of guilt up in him.

He wasn't good for her. He couldn't give her what she wanted when his love was already being used on someone else.

Outside the storm picked up. Water started building up in the streets as the downpour continued to fall furiously.

It was almost a metaphor for his sorrow, he thought, chuckling self-deprecatingly. He brought the drink to his lips about to take a sip, trying to ignore the nervous energy pulsing through his body. His paranoid mind couldn't help but think that it was a sign that something was going to happen, but the rest of him shrugged it off. What's the worst that could happen?

Then a  **deafening**  explosion broke through the sky. Bottles started smashing behind him and he barely managed to dodge one heading straight for his head, shards flying in all directions when it hit the wall instead.

"What the hell?" he mumbled wide-eyed as he stared at his living room. It was as if a hurricane had formed inside his home, hurling bottles, chairs and whatever else it could get was around.

Lucifer stood still, unsure of how to react. He had no worry of getting hurt - the detective wasn't near - but how was he supposed to stop this? His powers weren't exactly helpful here, it's not like he could scare whatever was forming inside his house.

Just as the storm seemed to pick up, a brilliant light shone blinding so harshly that Lucifer fell to his knees in pain, hands pressing into his eyes to try and block it.

It took quite a few minutes before he hesitantly opened them, blinking to get rid of the black spots forming the air. When he could finally see again, it was as if nothing had happened. The storm had calmed down and the streets were back to normal. His living room also looked the exact same as it did before, everything unbroken and unharmed in its places.

If it wasn't for the body lying in the middle of his living room, he would have questioned his sanity once again.

Carefully, he approached the kneeling body, face hidden in their lap. "Who are you?" He watched warily as the head shifted but stayed down as if they hadn't heard his question.

He was starting to get impatient. He didn't need this on top of his already troublesome problems.

Eyes narrowed, he repeated his question, "Who are y-"

At long last the person lifted their head, effectively cutting Lucifer off.

"Hi Luce," you gave him a tired grin, but happiness shone in your eyes as you gazed at him. It had actually worked.

Lucifer simply stared at you.

"What? No welcome? What a great host you are," you coughed weakly as you stumbled onto your feet. "Not even a kiss? I’m disappointed."

"Wha-" Lucifer finally mumbled, still staring wide-eyed at you. "Are yo- are you here?" His mind was reeling, trying to catch up with the overload of thoughts running through his mind.

"Yes," you chuckled, slowly nearing his frozen form. "I am." Your fingers carefully trailed across his chest until you held his face gently. "I like the stubble."

You drank in the sight of him greedily. He looked just as gorgeous as you remembered, but the weariness in his eyes was new. Time hadn't been too kind to him, you assumed, but neither had it to you.

Years you could have spent together had been lost, but it was better to live in the present than mourn the past. You were together after all.

"Are you really here?" his voice was quiet, hands wavering at his side, wanting to touch you but not until he was completely sure. "This isn't some trick?"

"I'm here." Tears spilt from his eyes at your nod and with desperation, he finally pushed his lips to yours. Sorrow, guilt and anguish flowed freely out of him with every touch of you, his heart slowly mending.

His hands pulled at your waist, trying to get you as close to him as possible. Space wasn't a word in his vocabulary. Even when you broke for air, he pressed kisses to your cheeks, jaw, nose, everywhere he could reach.

He was acting like a touch-starved teenager, but he couldn't care less.

He finally had you back. You were here.

"I can't believe it," he mumbled as his eyes roamed your face, thumb lightly caressing your cheek. "You're actually here."

"Yes," you grinned back, just as ecstatic. "I'm here for goo-" The sentence cut off as your eyes rolled back in your head, body growing slack in Lucifer's arms.

"Y/N?," Lucifer caught you before you could fall. "Y/N!"

Heart-breaking fear spread in him as he stared at your unconscious body.

He had just gotten you back. He couldn't lose you already.

***

It was only when droplets fell onto your intertwined hands that Lucifer realised he was crying.

He had carried your body into his bedroom, making sure that you were still breathing before calling Amenadiel for help hoping that he knew what was wrong.

Amenadiel had his theories but nothing concrete that could calm Lucifer's fear, so he sent him away in anger. If he wasn't going to help, then what good was he?

Looking back at it, Lucifer realised that he might have been externalising his despair onto Amenadiel, and his theory might be true. Amenadiel guessed that to get here from wherever you came from, you needed to use some serious power. Power that took a lot out of your body, and in order to save itself, you fell into a coma.

But looking at you still bed-ridden, he wasn't sure if it even mattered.

Lucifer still felt like he had failed you. He had been so close and yet so far.

Angrily he wiped at his eyes, desperately trying to keep his sobs in. He didn't want you to hear it - if you could hear him.

He hoped so. He had continued his daily talks with you, the only difference that he could actually see your face this time. Feel your hand in his.

It only made it so much worse.

He brushed off the wetness on your hand with the duvet, pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles. "Please wake up soon, love."

Joining you on the bed, he held your intertwined hands to his chest near his heart as his eyes finally closed to a moment of restless but much-needed sleep.

***

Everything was aching.

Eyes squinted together in pain at the headache thundering inside. Limbs pulsing as if they had been torn apart and reattached.

Still, it wasn't the worst you had endured. Nothing could be quite as painful as the last thousands of years.

The reminder sent fury burning through your veins, and you willed your eyes open.

The ceiling of a dark bedroom met your eyes. Trying to lift yourself into a sitting position, you were alerted to the hold on your hand.

It took a few seconds for your brain to catch up, but when it finally did your eyes snapped to the side.

_Lucifer._

Tears started pooling as your gaze swept over him. The few moments you had gotten to see him before hadn't been enough - would never be enough after the time you had spent apart.

You slowly sat up by using your free hand, unsure if it was best to let him stay asleep (like it seemed he needed) or wake him now.

Eventually, after a few moments, you decided to leave him be and go find his shower. It took you a few seconds to figure out how to turn it, having only seen it briefly from the moments you had been with Lucifer.

It took a lot of power out of you to visit him, which is why you only did so on the anniversary of your disappearance. For some reason your power was a lot stronger during that time, so you took advantage of it. Seeing him (and hearing him talk to you) was truly the only way you had managed to survive for so long. Even if he couldn't see you, it still gave you hope for a future together.

Despite your body looking physically clean, you could still feel the dirt and grime on you. The water washed you clean of your sins. There was no longer blood staining your skin, soil under your nails or mud caked in your hair.

You were no longer trapped. There weren't trees wherever you looked and no monsters lurking behind them. You didn’t have to be on high alert all the time.

No longer did Purgatory have its hold on you.

***

Lucifer woke with a startle. He had dreamt you were gone again, a nightmare that had frequented him often in the last months.

Luckily, he didn't have to worry about that anymore. With one hand rubbing his eyes, he stood up to pull the curtains open. Bright sunlight met him, "Look at the nice weather, Y/N. Reminds me of how we used to go sneak out," he chuckled, nostalgia hitting him. "You were always such a rebel."

He turned around, gaze falling on the empty bed. Panic immediately struck him.

"No. No, no, no," he panicked. His hands patted the bed desperately, pulling the covers up, but all he got was nothing.

You were gone.

"No," he whispered falling onto his knees. He couldn't do this, not again.

A slight shuffle against the floor got his attention, though. "Luce?"

He almost didn't want to lift his head, in fear of it not being the real you. But his hope won.

Head lifted hesitantly, his gaze met yours and he knew it was you. It could only be you. His feet lifted him off the bed and into your arms before his head could even think the thought.

"I thought I had lost you again," he sniffled into your neck. "Please never leave me again. I can't live without you."

"I won't. I promise," you whispered, surprised by his admission."I'll be here as long as you want me." Your fingers carefully ran through his hair, trying to soothe him.

"Forever then." He lifted his head from your neck, looking deeply into your eyes.

"Forever," you promised, pressing a soft kiss onto his lips. When you pulled apart his lips followed yours, not wanting the moment to end. "Luce," you chuckled, allowing him to peck your lips again. "I made food. Let's eat."

Dutifully he followed you down the stairs, hand holding yours tightly. He vowed to make sure that he would find out who had taken you and bring hell over them.

But first, he would treasure the fact that he had gotten you back for good.

 


End file.
